Obama’s platforms were solid, but he never placed them out front. Smart move, as he’s a terrible debater - a humorous side note since debates are no longer about substance. Debates are about finding someone new, plucky, or, like that old WB slogan said, "Fresh." Congratulations go to George W. Bush for changing the rules of debate attraction. The Democratic showdowns were instrumental in showing that you can waffle, avoid direct questions, stumble, begin on one subject and end on another, and come across like Jack Tripper next to Biden, Edwards, and Clinton, then wake up in the morning to read the pundits’ heated debate over Hillary’s vocal pitch.

My friends tell me the great thing about Obama is that he opposed the war from the beginning, and thus gave us a perfect alternative to Hillary Clinton. I wanted to find that candidate too, but I added an earmark. He or she had to prove they had the stuff of great leaders. Biden possessed that quality, but he was like one of those old superstars they bring on "American Idol" to coach the newcomers; they’re fun to watch and get all sentimental with, provided we cast them off before the show gets serious. Oh, and he was one of 77 Senators who also voted to authorize the war. (Obama wasn’t a Senator in 2002.) Perhaps I should have campaigned for Shia LaBeouf. He’s cute, smart, young, still at that point in celebrity time where the media likes him, and, as far as I know, wasn’t anywhere near Washington when Bush decided to invade Iraq. But I sought out the candidate who seemed most capable of the job; for me that was Hillary.

Obama, I’m reminded, didn’t just have "change" on his agenda; he was going to unite us. I congratulate his team for making the country realize that focusing on the Bush Administration’s election overthrow, their dismal economic plan, and their pimping 9/11 to rape the lands, isn’t going to get us anywhere; what’s past is past. Besides, as his team made more pointingly clear, the Clintons’ "baggage" is the single biggest threat facing mankind. As soon as we get past those Dark Ages ’90s, when the economy was strong, we had the most African-Americans and women in government than at any other point in history, gays started coming out of the closet and into your living-room TV sets, the healing process can begin.

My friends tell me I shouldn’t mock Obama with words like "healing," because the Messiah complex surrounding him is a myth perpetuated by Hillary’s minions. Then they tell me she’s paranoid. People love Obama because of his platforms. I’ve written three columns criticizing Obama and/or the campaign, and have received many comments. One said, "Your words offend me because, as a Christian, he speaks to me." Another person started with a similar beginning, but added, "He may be our only hope to save the planet." Then there was the e-mail saying, "Obama may not be perfect, but God tells me I have to believe in something, so I choose to believe in him." I’ve never received a note that said anything resembling "As an American Citizen, I think Barack Obama has the best plan for the country."

Let’s applaud those people who said Hillary’s war vote cost her the nomination. It was a terrible, shameless act, and we have every reason to believe she did it to prove her toughness on National Security. (On a side note, I’ve joined the forum on how to change the perception, as reflected in polls, that women - including Senator Clinton - are to be less-trusted than men on National Security issues. On another side note, I just quit that forum, as there’s not a single woman interested in pursuing the issue.)

Michael Moore said Hillary Clinton’s position on the war made it "morally impossible for me to vote for her." As such, I’m sure you can guess who he initially endorsed for President - John Edwards. Since Edwards’ war vote was never much of an issue, I’m assuming we think men are just dumber than women, and that they should be allowed, even expected, to rush to war while we shrug it off the same way we shrug off their tendency to leave the toilet seat up. If that’s the case, wouldn’t it be wise to find any woman who’s available and offer her the Presidency? Angelina Jolie’s my choice. She’s got foreign policy credentials, plus those lips of hers would really jazz-up White House greeting cards.

I’m kidding, of course. Everyone knows that, unlike Hillary, John Edwards apologized for casting his vote, and therein lies the difference. What was Hillary thinking? Anyone with half a brain can tell you that, had Senator Clinton made amends, no one would have called her change of heart cold, calculating, manipulative, shrewd, conniving, cunning, scheming, and typical of a "monster...stooping to anything" to win. (By the way, to do "anything to win," you’d literally have to be willing to murder...oh, never mind.)

I feel sorry for Samantha Power, Obama’s former foreign-policy adviser. Despite her Harvard Law School degree and Pulitzer Prize, she wasn’t educated enough to realize she was being recorded when she gave us the final verdict on Mrs. Clinton. (Thank goodness Power didn’t keep her job! I’d hate to see her reciting nuclear secrets to the Iranians and taking them on their word that it’s "off the record.") It’s almost as sad as Michelle Obama’s failed Harvard and Princeton education - when are we going to fix our troubled Ivy League school system? - the hopeful First Lady can’t utter a sentence without being misinterpreted.

That too, is an exaggeration. No one questioned Michelle’s rhetoric when she said "Barack Obama is the only person in this race who understands that, that before we can work on the problems, we need to fix our souls." I’ve mentioned this quote before, but, like every good mantra, and prayer, it’s worth repeating. It’s one thing to think your husband’s God; another to think he’s everyone else’s. Has Obama made a clear timeline yet as to when the soul withdrawal will take place so we can fix the problems?

And color me Cindy Sheehan, but if we’re so hell-bent on weeding out the Bush War enablers, shouldn’t we have told Obama we didn’t approve of Edwards’ endorsement? Or Christopher Dodd’s? Or Tom Daschle’s? (Who’s also a major campaign strategist for Barack.) Edwards said he wanted a cabinet position should either Democrat win, and it would almost seem as if giving the Senator a job would be rewarding bad behavior. But I’m splitting Edwards’ hairs when the important thing is unity. If we continue to tolerate those who are divisive, we risk alienating a movement that only works as one.

Awhile back I got a one-sentence e-mail saying, "Stop Swiftboating Obama just because you hate him!" Since I’ve never made up facts about Barack, I almost wrote her back to suggest she look up the definition of the term, but then I realized she was on to something. In today’s journalism climate, opinions are facts, and the fact is, we like Obama. Should you criticize him, you’re not only a bad Democrat, you’re an unpatriotic liar. There’s been talk that, as the primaries went on, the press got tough on Obama. In a parallel, fair-press universe that’s a cosmic joke. We were harder on our Homecoming Queens. Congratulations to all those voters who made it clear that "Red State, Blue State" no longer matters. Far more important is Left Media, Right Media, and leaving out anything in between. Now, when Bill O’Reilly says "blame the liberal media," he’s right.

My very special congratulations to The Huffington Post, which singlehandedly created the Left version of Fox News, complete with 24/7 celebrity-trash coverage. It’s an eye for an eye in the media wars, and soon we’ll all be reading Braille. What CNN’s Anderson Cooper doesn’t understand is that looking tough while asking the "hard questions" doesn’t equal being tough. His blatant resentment of having to report on Jeremiah Wright was riveting journalism. In March, Cooper asked Obama routine questions about his spiritual adviser, let the answers stand, reminded viewers that African-Americans come from a different culture than white Americans, and, finally, told the audience that none of it mattered. "All this seems to have nothing to do with actual issues that the country is facing," he stated. Thanks, Coop. Your network couldn’t stop enabling the Bush Administration’s rush to war, but it can sure as hell stop us from being politically incorrect. And shame on us for thinking it’s our right to know the background of the person we pick for the most powerful job on planet earth.

Back in the Reagan ’80s (which Obama has more kind things to say about than the following decade - or the preceding one), if you watched how celebrity reporters interviewed Elizabeth Taylor compared to Jane Fonda, you have an idea how the Barack/Hillary interviews went. (Think about the way they still interview good-guy liberal activist George Clooney versus Uber-Bitch liberal activist Barbra Streisand and you’ll get the idea too.) Taylor was asked polite, decent questions (even if the subject was AIDS), given ample time to respond, and then the reporter would kindly move on. Elizabeth is Hollywood Royalty, and you don’t cross-examine the Queen. Fonda, ex-communicated Royalty, barely had time to respond to a question before the reporter cut in to get her on the defensive about her political views or her social views or her exercise-video views. Keith Olbermann would be harder on Kristi Yamaguchi than Hollywood’s newest leading man. It would have been a fairy tale come true for Princess Diana to have received such polite press treatment. Obama’s been running around like the world is a night on Larry King Live, or a day in the Actors’ Studio with James Lipton.

You have to admire Obama’s power with the press. Not since Madonna has there been a superstar so adept at manipulating the media to get exactly what’s desired, the subtle difference being that she’s a whore because of it. After the Jeremiah Wright tapes were "discovered" (investigative reporters would have a more difficult time finding collapsed construction sites in New York City), and more than a month after 20-plus states could have any say about them, Barack Obama made a speech about race. It was a magnificent, glorious, poetic, skillful, brilliant oratory delivered for the sole purpose of saving his ass.

The man who repeatedly said he’d not make race an issue, got backed in a corner and did the only logical thing: He made race THE issue. You didn’t much read that deduction in the papers, however, as the country was too busy getting in touch with their inner-hatred. Americans turned racism into a collective midlife crisis, one you could discuss at Pottery Barn or after Bootcamp class. We all had the virus, it was just a matter of how far it had progressed. I’m not certain if Barack Obama knows the extent of his manipulation, or if he’s just been coddled by the press for so long he demands favoritism. Either way, we’re the ones who’ll get the wake-up call when it backfires.

When I had the nerve to tell a friend I wasn’t racist, she asked me if I’d never thought about The Other as being what frightens us and makes us hateful. I said yes; it started around the age of five when I became a fan of "The Twilight Zone." To all my friends who’ve sought help for their racism, I congratulate you. I’m deeply saddened there is so much hatred in the world, as I have been all my life. I’m also deeply proud, as I have been all my life, I’m not one of those people. You’ll get a more frank dialogue on bigotry from "Avenue Q"’s wickedly funny "Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist" number. And you can download it on iTunes for 99 cents.

Obama did revisit the question of religion, however, and wrapped it up in a tidy bow. The pastor brought him to Jesus Christ, and therefore the end. It’s a story as old as Creation. Religion’s a great thing for politicians. It forgives your hooker inclinations, gives you the thumbs up to wage war, and, just in time for 2008, makes it okay not to apologize for someone on your staff saying Bill Clinton did to Monica what he’s doing to black people. I initially thought that quote would have at least garnered a footnote in the "Candidates and Their Staff Say the Darnedest Things" Trivia Challenge, but now I’m chukling with the rest of the country. Besides, a preacher said it. One of the things we admire about Hillary is that she can "take it." What we don’t bother to answer is, "Why she should have to."

No one’s ready to have a real discussion about race in this country, because that would be messy. Not only would it mean dropping politically correct speech so we could express opinions without retribution, it would have included Geraldine Ferraro, who’s been deleted from everyone’s MySpace "Friends" list like a Commie during Red Scare. By lumping Ferraro’s comments next to Wright’s, Obama effectively cut-off any dissident who dared admit race played a role in their selection. That’s absurd. Half the people I know have said race was part of the reason they voted for Obama, just as half the people I know have said Hillary’s being a woman was a factor in supporting her.

A true racial dialogue wouldn’t have required journalists to frantically re-read everything they’d written to make sure they didn’t say something that could be interpreted as an off-color remark (see how easy it is?). A legitimate discussion about race would have been open-ended, like the episode of "Roseanne" in which the Conner’s son, D.J., doesn’t want to kiss a black girl in the school play. Ms. Barr herself has said it’s her favorite show of the series, and the 22 minutes of uncomfortable comedy still works wonders in syndication reexamination.

Obama’s racial dialogue was the equivalent of me having a homophobia Bitch Brunch with gay friends and inviting Sarah Jessica Parker along to take notes. You could only participate if you agreed. Hillary-bashing is a national pastime; remember how much fun we had with The Cry? Say something negative about Obama and you’re liable to get verbally abused like a cop arresting Mel Gibson. After Obama’s speech, that pinnacle of female empowerment, Maureen Dowd, chastised Clinton for daring to say, when questioned by a reporter, that he should have ended his association with the pastor sooner. The discussion was about as open as W.’s Vietnam years. When I suggested to a colleague of mine that, given Obama’s 20-year friendship with Wright, it was possible he might be racist, my colleague countered that I "sounded like one of those West Virginia people." One of the great Existential riddles of the past year has been Obama’s uncanny ability to cross racial barriers, then, if he loses a state, our uncanny inability to vote for a black man.

Congratulations go to all those men and women in the country who refused to let sexism factor in the primaries. It never factored in because the cancer’s dormant. At the start, there were complaints about Hillary’s treatment, most notably from Gloria Steinem. (She was ardent; but wouldn’t it have been nice if more of those articles came from women under the age of 60?) Once people decided Hillary was the wrong kind of woman, however, sexism pretty much got swept under the rug she’d have been better off vaccuming. Here’s a breaking news story you won’t find on MSNBC: There is no such thing as "the wrong kind of woman." There’s the wrong kind of candidate, the wrong kind of Democrat, the wrong kind of leader, but there are only women, as there are only men.

No 3 a.m. phone-call, white-workers comment, or John McCain leadership endorsement justifies the running joke that "Hillary was pissed in February, because, unlike Black History Month, there’s no White Bitch Month." No gasoline-tax stunt justifies Hillary Nutcrackers at airports near you, the "How do we beat the bitch?" quip, Fox’s "low-cut blouse brouhaha," "pimping-out" Chelsea, Hillary looking "so haggard and, like, 92 years old" (from a female reporter), the "PMS and the Mood Swings" should she get elected, The Oklahomans’ newspaper referencing her "frequent wearing of dark pant suits to conceal her bottom-heavy figure," the "fucking whore" from Randi Rhodes, the question from Katie Couric wanting to confirm that Hillary’s "nickname in school was Miss Frigidaire," and Democratic Congressman Steve Cohen, when asked if Clinton should drop out, responding with "Glenn Close should have stayed in that tub."

No one deserves Chris Matthews’ citing one of her speeches as "harder to give for a woman, because it can grate on some men when they listen to it [like] fingers on a blackboard," his "nagging wife/mother" tirades, and "the reason she’s a candidate for president, the reason she may be a front-runner is her husband messed around." Certainly no one should tolerate Michelle Obama’s "Our view is that if you can’t run your own house, you certainly can’t run the White House" (that’s a polite way of dividing about two thirds of American mothers), and her husband’s "I understand that Senator Clinton, periodically when she’s feeling down, launches attacks as a way of trying to boost her appeal." That almost makes his "Sweetie" comment to a reporter sound like a light day. And no one should tolerate the fact that all of the above remarks came from the mainstream media. Or that I haven’t even mentioned Rush Limbaugh. But thank God Rhodes shut up that other "fucking whore" Ferraro for her spiteful words.

How do I put this delicately...? Oh yeah, you women hate each other. Blacks, gays, Jews, no other victimized group would tolerate such blatant bigotry, yet it’s as American as Mom’s apple-cunt pie. Pretending you didn’t know sexism existed until Hillary’s Concession Speech makes you an accessory to the crime, like those wives who look the other way when Dad’s beating the kids, "for the good of the family." Men allow it - I’ve allowed it - New York Times columnist Frank Rich is so gaga in love with Obama the closest thing he’ll do to admitting Clinton should be treated with the same respect as a man is to lump her in with Rove and Cheney - which is roughly the equivalent of lumping Tatum O’Neal in with Mexian drug lords.

We men aren’t going to fight your battles for you, and neither are your father figures. Until women insist they be treated equally, whether running for President or running off to buy groceries, you’re enabling a system that would rather jail your friend than tolerate her for being a Kmart contributor, not just a shopper. Oprah Winfrey’s the only strong-minded American woman who, for the most part, gets mainstream respect, and it ain’t because she once gave away cars. I congratulate you ladies most of all.

Three days before this column went to press, my roommate from college flew to New York to visit me. Robert is black, which has about as much to do with our friendship as "Sex and the City" has to do with "Indiana Jones." After we went out for dinner and laughed and reminisced and had a wonderful night, I said goodbye to him in front of my Upper East Side apartment, which lies equidistant to the Mayor’s Mansion and Woody Allen’s townhouse. The first cab that pulled up caught one glimpse of Robert and sped off. Before I realized what happened, Robert said, matter-of-factly, "It’s because I’m black." I was shocked, then embarrassed, then ashamed. In my twenty years in New York, I’ve never once had trouble getting a cab on a balmy summer night in sophisticated, intellectual Manhattan. Anyone with a heart wants an African-American for President. We just want the rules to be fair.

But now, we’re told, is not the time for anger; now’s the time to grab a glass and join the party. Drink up before the best man wins.

www.davidtoussaint.com